Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
