windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
