You're my little dorito
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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