The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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