Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
