The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
