pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize