Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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