Your dad touched me again.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm always down for nudity.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
