I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize