last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize