You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
