5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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