He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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