You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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