Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
