ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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