A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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