After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
