Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just threw up on my dentist
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize