Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
