South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
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Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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