We won't sleep together?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
