She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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