She said her name was "party"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
