If that was your dad, he is hot
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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