as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
