i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
