after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
