Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
