They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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