I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize