I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
