So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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