i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
