If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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