Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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