is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
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Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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