Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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