you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
