Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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