I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
