I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
