..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
