i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
