that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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