i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
