Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
