And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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