I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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