I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
