you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
