Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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