I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We are two peas in an std pod
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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