we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
