Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
