Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
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I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize