I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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