his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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