I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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