Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
