Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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