Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
