You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have tasted many bathrooms
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
