can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
