After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
